Heckingame Inbox

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"Hi! This is Ruby Gloom. Be sure to leave a message!"

Comments

[Text] un: bioexorcist

[bugbeverage]

hey kid wanna learn how to kill a man

i mean

wanna learn about gun safety????

[text] UN: WithRuby

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[... Well this is a fine message to get on an average afternoon.]

Uh, hi!

Hm, gun safety does sound pretty important.

Especially since I finally got it away from my cat.

But who would teach me?

[bugbeverage]

why yours truly of course!!!

[bbbrightside]

[...Oh!]

Oh!

Well, I guess it would make sense. You being the one to give it to me, and all. You must know quite a bit about them.

[bugbeverage]

you could say that

whadya say we go to the dump?

[bbbrightside]

The dump... Great idea! That way, nobody accidentally gets hurt.

[Except for them, ahahhaa....]

I'll get everything I need and be there, uh... soon! Is that good?

[bugbeverage]

works 4 me!

[ LATER, AT THE DUMP... ]

[ Beetlejuice waits for Ruby as he reclines on the hood of an old smashed car. He's got his arms folded behind his head and one leg thrown over the other, his boot kicking to a tune inside his head. ]

I DIDNT FORGET THIS I PROMISE... ;-;

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Great! Uh, see you there?

[And that seems to be it, for now. It takes time for Ruby to show up - partially because she prepped a picnic basket for this excursion... partially because she wasn't so sure where this dump was - but she does find it! Panting, flapping her wings, she sets down by the car.]

Phew! Huh... I made it.

[bugbeverage]

[ When Ruby touches down, Beetlejuice cracks open an eye to peer over at her. ]

Glad you could make it! This is going to be your school until Michael stops making frownie faces at me.

[ He rolls off the car and lands on his feet. Then, he withdraws a four-cornered professor's cap (complete with tassle) from the depths of his jacket and sets it on his head. ]

Ready to learn?

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Oh, so that's why we're doing this?

[She can't help but feel slightly disappointed at Beetlejuice, or maybe she appreciates Michael putting in a word like that. Oh well, she can let it run off her back.]

Sure am, uh, professor Beetlejuice!

[She's got the gun out and everything!]

[bugbeverage]

Well I thought you already knew how to use one, but Michael insists it's for safety reasons. So!

[He claps his hands together and ushers Ruby toward a little clearing. He sits down on an overturned fridge and holds a hand out. ]

Lemme see that and I'll show you how it works.

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I really don't... But this is good!

[Good!! for both of them!! Surely.]

I'm sure there's plenty I could learn. [With some slight hesitation, she passes the weapon over to him.]

[bugbeverage]

Boy is there!

[He takes the gun and leans down a little, turning it slowly in his hands.]

Most important part--here's the safety. If you're not planning on shooting anyone, keep this on. It's got a four pound trigger on it, but it can still go off.

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[Ruby jots down some notes on a notepad - where did she get that? Doesn't matter. - she's dutiful about this particular lesson especially.]

Safety. Got it. Too bad my cat figured that out before I did.

[bugbeverage]

[Beetlejuice just clucks his tongue. This is why he's a dog person.]

Maybe we oughtta get you a gun safe next. Or something that locks, at least. OKAY. If your cat's been shooting at people, you probably know the next thing--these suckers are loud and they kick. Now normally, people learn how to use guns with headphones but I don't think you're gonna damage your hearing since you're already dead.

[He lifts the gun and points it at an old microwave several feet away. He fires once. Twice. Each sharp report echoes off the metal trash around them. The third shot hits and shatters the microwave's glass.]

FIRST TRY!

[bbbrightside]

[That's fine!!! Opinions are valid!!! She'll never hate cats, though.

Ruby was about to comment that she technically wasn't dead, though she couldn't state that for whatever kind of existence this currently was, but it's the principal of the thing. But Beetlejuice wiped all that away with some fairly impressive trickshots.

At least, she thinks they're tricks. One even hits something, which must've been planned.]

...Wow! [Some light applause.] Amazing.

[bugbeverage]

[Oh, absolutely planned!]

[Beetlejuice preens under Ruby's praise as it only inflates his already bloated ego.]

And with just a few short lessons, you'll be able to do the same!

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Gee, I can't believe it's so... so easy.

[Is there a greater message here about guns being a dangerous accessible weapon for people who probably shouldn't have them?

Nah, don't worry about it.]

Do you really think I'll have to use it?

[bugbeverage]

You never know, kid. This is Hell. People are here for a reason.

[He passes the gun to her and ushers her to stand next to him. ]

Alright, hold that bad boy with both hands and for goodness sake keep both your eyes open. Don't worry about hitting anything right away, just focus on handling the kick. Let 'er rip!